JANE FATALE
Reporter
Thursday, March 20, 2003

In a final confrontation that can only be described as embarassing, veteran office worker and Loser Culb (TSE:MOO) member Joan Leslee has lost her stapler.

Like many geek-dominant workplaces, in Leslee's department, there were many running jokes. These included the repetitive playing of internet sound clips from Simpsons episodes and the mimicking of the voice of Gollum in the movie Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.

However, jokes made in reference to the movie Office Space were by far the most popular and most often made. An acclaimed analyst had previously observed that the movie has a large following, particularly with real-life office workers, due to the statistic that suggests 'it's funny 'cause it's true'.

"My co-workers would very often in their best evil-boss-droning voice repeat the line about 'yeah... i'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday, kay, and Sunday too, yeah...' before bursting into fits of childish giggles." recalls Leslee.

"Their favourite, of course, was the nervous incessant stammerings of that stapler guy, trying in vain to inform the world that he would never let go of his stapler, because it was his stapler, and 'hey, gimme back my stapler'."

"I would laugh, of course, we all would. But it's true what they say, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye."

"In this case, the stapler was my eye," clarifies Leslee.

"I've had my stapler on my desk for a few weeks now. Even though I'm only a temporary worker, I've always felt that it had my stamp on it, y'know? But one day, I reached for it and it simply wasn't there."

"So then I had to borrow somebody else's stapler. But that wasn't the worst of it. What was worst was the almost immediate start of the Office Space guy personas. Everywhere I turned, people were mocking me feverishly: 'I want my stapler! Gimme back my stapler!'"

To this day, Leslee's stapler has still not been found.

"To be frank, I'm thinking of coming in early one day and taking the stapler from the desk beside mine." reveals Leslee in a guilty whisper.